Focus On The Positives

Lately i have been struggling to find a positive outlook on life. Nothing ever seems to go my way, i am not in control, i do not have enough of what I want.
But this is general feeling, and the more negative people I surround myself with, the more i find myself slipping into the darkness. Its difficult to focus on anything good when those around you at home speak nothing but of negativity.
Then i remember something my counsellor said to me. Take each day one step at a time, take each activity one step at a time. Find the small achievements and be positives about those.
Today, so far, has been a pretty positive day. I have achieved more than on a normal day.
Firstly, i got up. This is in fact a very big deal for me, getting out of bed is literally one of the hardest parts of the day. I want to sleep, I like it. Sleeping is like being dead without the commitment, i dont have to do anything, my dreams are better than my reality. Perhaps I’ll go more in depth with that another time.
Now not only did I get up, but I got up BEFORE 10AM. Holy shit someone give me a medal. Normal get up time (especially when I work evenings) is from 11am onwards. Or if no one is home during the day, I’ll just linger in bed until 1pm or later. Then I feel guilty for wasting a day and need to stay up late to do stuff which means I’ll wake up late again the next because I’ll be tired. See its an endless cycle.
Next achievement: I went straight downstairs and had breakfast. Damn, need another medal for that. Breakfast never happens, I hate eating after I’ve just woken up.
Let the dogs outside (not such a big achievement, I just don’t want them shitting on the floor) and gave them food as usual.
Then I put on make up and got dressed straight away!
Now there was a reason for my productivity today and I’ll get to that shortly.
This next achievement really shocked me, and for those that know me well, it will probably shock you too.
I walked into town.
Shut the fuck up and give me a trophy, no actually I want a crown. Bedazzled in rhinestones.
Since getting a car I’ve become incredibly lazy, why walk anyway when you can drive and do it so much quicker?
But i looked outside and saw blue skies and the smell of spring in the air. I was determined to walk, its only a fifteen minute walk anyway.
So headphones in, off i went wearing my metaphorical crown feeling pretty good for once.
First thing on my list was to go into the jewellers to get some items valued. But of cause the manager wasn’t there to do it. So that made a chip in my good feeling.
Next, went into savers brought some things, medal for me for doing shopping in the town and not driving off to Tesco or B&M.
Then i did a super scary thing and was only a little bit nervous about it. I’ll explain more about what that was after its happened. But all you need to know is that I’ve been thinking long and hard about doing this for years and I finally plucked up some courage and booked the appointment. Stayed tuned for after 20th March to find out more.
You know what? Crown me the fucking queen because i am a boss today.
And there’s more!
I walked home and then walked the dog! I didn’t even sit down, just grabbed the lead and off we went.
Wow this all sounds exhausting.
Normally by now I would feel drained. Too much outdoors, too much people, too much interaction.
But I’m going to see a friend this evening and I’m really looking forward to it. I will not cancel because I feel great.
And that is why today is an achievement. All those positives I’ve done all by myself.
Okay, so I may have planned excessively, what I was going to do and in what order from the moment i woke up, but i went through with all of it. I am so impressed and proud of me.
I’ve just proved to myself that I can be motivated, I can go out and do things, I can be better.
That is my day of positivity.

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