I Have No Idea What I’m Doing With My Life, But That’s Okay

I’m reanalysing my life right now. When i was younger i thought that by the time i reached twenty four years old i would have at least part of my life figure out.

The goals i wanted to reached are the following: move out of my parents house, preferably out of Deal. Have a full time job in something that I don’t completely hate. Be in a long term adult relationship. Get a dog.

This unfortunately is not the case, I have one of those goals, the dog.

Still live with my parents have a part time job I hate, no idea what is actually want to do for work and absolutely no money to move out of my parents home.

Good job me.

Now im wondering how I got myself in this position.

Probably should’ve done a degree that had better more open job options. Yet I really enjoyed creative writing and I don’t think I would be who I am today without it, so I’ll let that one slide.

Should I have stuck out my full time job at the cafe? I was after all getting supervisor experience and earning enough to save money n order to move out. But at the end of the day my personal health came first. I was miserable, depressed, suicidal. I wont go into further detail expect know that if my friends hadn’t come to get me that night I sat on the cliffs I wouldn’t be sat here right now.

What did I do in those 6 months I didn’t have job? Apart from spend all of savings that is. Volunteered at a rescue centre. Amazing experience just wish it wasn’t so far to travel and that the women running it wasn’t a bitch. I did stay there for whole year and did a paid days work there too once a week. My adorable cockapoo is from there too.
Turning all these negatives into positives the best way I can.

Also in my jobless months I got diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety, I went to see a counsellor and got put on medication and im doing a lot better now. Would not have done that had I been working full time still.
I’ve been single for four years. Okay this is entirely my fault. For the first year I wanted to be on my own and then after that I just got too comfortable by myself and wont let anyone else too close. I’ve been on one date that was awful (not my fault) and a few tinder interactions that I wont go into detail about but just know that’s going okay and im safe. How do people even get into relationships nowadays? What is dating? What is flirting? I don’t know ! send help. Please make me less awkward and shy.

So now i work a shit part time job. Terrible company to work for, only ideal for students. I made some really good friends here but most of them are leaving now and I don’t get shifts with them so yeah there’s that.
Why don’t I have a full time job yet? Well I’ve had a shit tonne of interviews that lead to rejection. Most common reason being they got someone else with more experience. Or the one that hurt the most, we thought you were great and there was nothing wrong with your interview, someone else was just a little bit better. Well fuck you.

Truth is I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t have a plan anymore. Used to want to be a teacher, wanted to be a writer, work with animals. Now I don’t know about any of those options.

But that’s okay.

Its okay to not get everything you dreamed of.

Its okay to still live with your parents in your twenties.

Its okay to be single for a long length of time.

Its okay to not know what you want to do work wise.

Everyone is different, we need to stop comparing ourselves to each other.

Just because they have something you don’t, doesn’t mean that they’re doing better than you.

I’m hoping that if I keep saying that I will one day believe it.

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