I am an attention seeker.
I want you to pay attention to me.
I want you to like my selfies.
I want you to think about me.
I want you to remember me.
I want you to want to talk to me.
But above all else, I need you to want to do all of those things.
I need the attention, not just because im a narcotic sociopath but because if I don’t get any attention I will disappear.
Distance myself from the world around me. I’ll believe that im not good enough, no one wants me or needs me. You see when im most quiet is actually my most vulnerable time.
When I go down this lonely dark rut I cant get myself back out. I need you pull me out of it. I say im good at being alone, but not like this. This is bad alone. Dark, depressed alone.
Soon I’ll think that I should be alone, that no one should love me etc. Im not accepting it, im hating it. I just need one voice of reason. Tell me im good enough, show me im good enough.
I’ll post a picture, it’ll get 5 likes but that wont be enough in my mind set. why should it matter how many people like a picture? I don’t know that many people, I don’t have that many friends. Why do people who aren’t my friends matter so much?
Because people who aren’t my friends might read this.
They might relate to this more.
You might understand.
The people who say they are my friends aren’t giving me the attention. So I need it from others. From the acquaintances, from the old school friends. People I used to know.
I need to know that someone out there is listening. Watching my move. Looking out for me. because one day I might just stop.
From my own self doing.
Its not like im not telling anyone about it. Its all here.
Give me attention or I’ll die.
Bit dramatic I know, but when it comes down to it the blunt brutal truth is just that.
If im made to feel alone so much then who can I talk to?
In those days, weeks or months of silences, please don’t let me lose myself. Don’t let me spiral out of control again.
My silence is a call for help.
Would you listen to it?